Hello again
Yes this is the way I think about the holiday season. And no I always don't think of it this way. The only family I have is my mother. And I am extremely glad for this. I spend all of the holidays with mom at her place. Then I leave and am alone.
I don't know what it is like to have a proper holiday as you do. Before I get to mom's and after I am extremely depressed. It is starting already. I am getting irritated that I can't be living in White Rock. That I have absolutely nothing. Including no friends anymore. They stopped calling because, once again, they don't believe I should be just looking after my mother.
They don't get it.
Yes I will decorate mom's room, making it look great for her. Not this place, though. Why! I don't even want to be here at all. I dread coming home at night. There is mold. The bathroom ceiling is starting to leak again. As it did before these new owners bought it. And they just put new dry wall up and covered it up. And now it is leaking again. I can't even have groceries in the fridge anymore. So I don't really eat much. I get up early and go to the store to get something to make for mom, for dinner.
I have to live in my room. Which is full of boxes and not very comfortable. When I say I have nothing, I mean I have nothing. One pair of jeans, that fit, a few shirts. Not even a winter jacket. A few old sweaters. I had to spend money on a new pair of shoes, because the one I had where covered in blood, which I could not get out......
I have an old bedroom suite, a desk and this old laptop. A few other things.
I have lost everything because of my alcoholism and pot addiction I had. Yes it has been many, many years since I drank or smoked. But it takes a long time for our body and mind to get over the problem. No excuse, just reality. I am just starting to get my long term memory back. Being able to remember what I am reading. As well as many other facets of my life back.
Now I am done complaining about my sorry ass self.
Well mom is finally doing better with her bowels. No thanks to the home. The smoothie is with a Vega one supplement. Which has lots of fiber. And I have this tea for her to help her along. It is not the best tasting tea, but we are getting use to it. I add sugar, lemon and milk. So mom has been drinking it. I drink it as well, to show mom that I would not give her anything that I wouldn't drink or eat myself. Her belly is getting flat again. A few more days.
Now it is a matter of speaking with her doctor and getting her off Tylenol. There is other things that can be given to her for the pain. Less harmful.
Mom has been tired, no thank to the roommate who has been having extreme hallucinations lately. And the daughters don't even care that she is disturbing mom. Well they are only their twice a week for an hour each time. How would they know anything. But they do know their mother has the TV on all the freaking time, and the lights and then the freaking delusions. OK I am getting pissed off just writing about it. This is this Debby's fault. ( Name changed). I complained over and over again. But I am not a women, so this bitch calls my sister and tells her it is hard on your mother to be moved, or it is important that she gets the Tylenol for the pain. Gender biased.
But mom ate allot for dinner and had a good dessert, plus her Poop tea and some earl grey tea. I got her ready for bed and she was lights out. Of course she has to hold my hand, and I love every bit of this. As I was feeding mom, she place her hand on my face. The sign she wants her spa treatment. And smiled at me. I lit up with joy. It is the warmest feeling on could imagine.
Now I must go, it is after midnight again and I need to go to sleep. OK, I want to watch two shows and fall asleep while watching them. I am hungry, but I am not. I have nothing anyways.
I just don't want to live here anymore. I need to be living closer to mom. To be their more for her and to be able to deal with these people face to face.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher W. A. Schmuland
