Hello again
Well the last many days people have been asking me if I take a break from seeing mom and that I should.
My response is: Does mom take a break from having Dementia and a Stroke. No she doesn't. So I don't either. It is only fair.
My days are looking after mom. I spend 10 hours a day, everyday, 7 days a week, Taking care of my mother, who has Dementia and has had a Stroke. She needs help with everything. She can't feed herself, so I do. At dinner time. She can't put herself to bed. So I do. She can't wash herself, so I do it. And everything else. OK except change her diaper.
I spend 70 hours every week doing this. Plus other things that she requires that are not part of the home in which she lives.
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Mom has had dental issues as of late. They finally gave her something for the pain. But it hurts her to eat. So I try to give her soft food items.
I had to use part of her weekly allowance to purchase boast, and this left me short on other things mom enjoys. As in her fruit. I have not been able to get her the papaya she loves and the avocado she loves, For the last few days. Been broke. And because of needing to purchase the boast for her. I was short.
I am broke as well. But it is not the first time I have gone without eating for days. In fact I have gone days even a few weeks without eating.
So I have been feeling guilty about not being able to get mom the papaya she loves. I don't think I have missed one day without her having a papaya or an avocado. I feel like crap for this. I mentioned this to the PGT and they refuse to issue a cheque to cover the expense of the boast. Then they tell me they are going to increase the weekly amount.
Oh yea, a few days later he tells me that after consideration, he is not going to increase the weekly amount. Come on now. This is for mom.
He then tells me it benefits me. It is $10.00 a day. If it was not for the fact I do creative shopping, this amount would not be enough. I get what mom likes for this amount and sometimes there might be a little left over to make mom a homemade meal. Sometimes. I make her meals from my own money. And I don't care if I go without.
MOM IS FIRST AND I AM LAST.
And he tells me I imagined the conversation concerning the promises they made. Well I could not find it in my emails, and then realized it was a phone conversation. So that is that. He doesn't get it that I remember all conversations.
Even if that conversations is months ago or even years. I remember! Eidetic memory, Tonal. I do wish it was everything I read, but this is OK. It freaks people out.
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So this guy has been giving me a ride to the sky train station. And he now thinks I expect the ride each and everyday.
I am fine with taking the bus. He tells me it is so we can catch up Well it is he who is doing the talking. And I mean complaining about everything. I don't even have a chance to say a word.
The other day. I interrupted him and told him that it has been a hard few days, that I am broke, mom is pissed off at me for not being able to get her the papaya she loves. That my fridge and shelves are empty. So I told mom she has to wait a few days. I am part of the poor club again. OK I am always part of the poor club.
He pipes up and tells me that he can't help me out with anything. I simple said, I never asked you for anything. I simply stated what was going on right now. And why mom is upset. He then continued to complain. It is a good thing I am loosing my hearing. I didn't hear allot of what he was talking about. OK selective hearing.
I am tired of the complaints about everything. . I will no longer be excepting a ride from him. Tonight he didn't even speak with me. He goes out of his way to speak with me.
This is why I hate most people . I have asked and asked in the past for help from many people, to no avail.
I have not received any help looking after mom from anyone. I have not received any help with my needs from anyone. OK many once or twice, in the last ten years.
I can't stand being in Coquitlam anymore and it is time to move. I think I just might take anything for now.
I have nothing, and would just like to have a little help. To get me to White Rock, some furniture.
Now I need to go, I am feeling really down and trying to not get this cold that is going around. And I don't have anything to help me nutrition wise. I have nothing to eat or drink in my home. Yes tea, I forgot.
People are also telling me that GOD will bless me for what I am doing. I say where is this blessing. I could use it about now. To get me to White Rock and help with the things I really need. And the one thing I would like. A TV. A stereo is out of the question, as I am loosing my hearing and a stereo won't help me or do me any good. At least with a TV I can have subtitles.
It is a blessed opportunity that I have being able to take care of mom.
GOD Bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
