Hello again
I can honestly say that I am loosing my faith in GOD and I have completly lost my faith in humanity
The other day I declared out loud that GOD would take care of my needs. And HE did not. Then a few days latter I ran into the same person that I said this to. But I avoided her as what am I to say to her. That GOD has not helped me and I am in the same boat. Still not eating and haven't in quite some time now. So as soon as I saw her I hid myself and walked the other way.
Then the PGT tells me they are going to do something. Usually, when they (he) tells me, he is going to do something,by the next day it is done. Complete lie. Still, 4 days latter it is not done.
I wrote the province newspaper about what is happening, to see if a story could be done about mom and I. Nothing. They forward my letter on to Share. Well share writes me telling me that they are there to help me. To contact, list of numbers, these places. Having my letter in front of them, and knowing I don't have a phone to do this. They still tell me to call these places and to look on the Internet. Giving me the links, for all of there resources. Which I am to call.
No fucking phone. What don't any of these people get. No phone means. No way of calling anyone, period! It's a paper weight right now. It is a note pad, camera etc... But not a phone.
But the province newspaper can write a full page article on a couple of recovering drug addicts trying to change their life around. But doing nothing for another human being. Just recovering. But for someone who is completely devoted their life to looking after a ailing parent. Who is suffering themself. They pass on my story to another organization.
Don't get me wrong. I do appreciate what they did. Very much. But it still does not put it out there that there are individuals who give up everything to look after their loved one's. And are suffering even more so then that of the homeless drug addicts. Who made the choice to continue to use.
I lost all my friends over the years as a result of my looking after mom. And they not understanding why I do what I do. Why I am willing to spend so much time with my mother. Mom is completely dependent on everyone for all of her needs.
She can't speak, she can't feed herself, she can't go to the washroom by herself, she can't get herself dressed. Mom lost the ability to use her left arm and hand, a long time ago. As well as her ability to speak and feed herself. She is stuck in a wheel chair and only can go where the staff put her. I mean where the staff put her. Leave her in her room. Put the brakes on so she can't even push herself around.Completely dependent on what others think she wants. I understand mom. And if others would pay attention, they would as well.
So my faith in humanity is shot. No matter what I do or try to do. There is nothing. I guess because I have a roof over my head everything is OK. Bullshit. What about eating or having a warm coat or clothing that fits.
In a way it would better for me to be completely homeless. Maybe I should start sticking needles in my arm to get some real help. There is more help available for them.
I am a recovering alcoholic and pot smoker and ever since I quite, I have been looking after my parents. First my father,then my mother and father and now just momber. Dad passed away this month 5 years ago this December 28.
No matter how I feel or how depressed Iam or that most days I don't want to get out of bed. How many times. I fall or faint or how much pain I am in. I will never let mom see this or know anything about it. I check all of these feelings at the door and put a smile on my face. Mom has always seen me smilingly.
If it were not for mom I would not be around anymore. I gave up on myself a very long tme ago. I have given up on everything. Especially on humanity. What a big fat waste of time that is. Thinking that people actually care for one another. It seems only at Christmas time do they feel guilty enough to attempt to do something.
Otherwise it seems animals are more important than those that are suffering, silently suffering. Ok I am not that silent about things.
I do pray and thank GOD everynight for mom's health and to keep her safe. And apparently GOD knows everything and knows that I now need to move.
Today I was told that the house I rent a room in, has been sold. And the new owner is giving us until the end of January to move. Well I guess I dont' have any choice now. So I will be moving to White Rock. I just have to find a place. Somewhere I can afford
I really need to go now.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
I can honestly say that I am loosing my faith in GOD and I have completly lost my faith in humanity
The other day I declared out loud that GOD would take care of my needs. And HE did not. Then a few days latter I ran into the same person that I said this to. But I avoided her as what am I to say to her. That GOD has not helped me and I am in the same boat. Still not eating and haven't in quite some time now. So as soon as I saw her I hid myself and walked the other way.
Then the PGT tells me they are going to do something. Usually, when they (he) tells me, he is going to do something,by the next day it is done. Complete lie. Still, 4 days latter it is not done.
I wrote the province newspaper about what is happening, to see if a story could be done about mom and I. Nothing. They forward my letter on to Share. Well share writes me telling me that they are there to help me. To contact, list of numbers, these places. Having my letter in front of them, and knowing I don't have a phone to do this. They still tell me to call these places and to look on the Internet. Giving me the links, for all of there resources. Which I am to call.
No fucking phone. What don't any of these people get. No phone means. No way of calling anyone, period! It's a paper weight right now. It is a note pad, camera etc... But not a phone.
But the province newspaper can write a full page article on a couple of recovering drug addicts trying to change their life around. But doing nothing for another human being. Just recovering. But for someone who is completely devoted their life to looking after a ailing parent. Who is suffering themself. They pass on my story to another organization.
Don't get me wrong. I do appreciate what they did. Very much. But it still does not put it out there that there are individuals who give up everything to look after their loved one's. And are suffering even more so then that of the homeless drug addicts. Who made the choice to continue to use.
I lost all my friends over the years as a result of my looking after mom. And they not understanding why I do what I do. Why I am willing to spend so much time with my mother. Mom is completely dependent on everyone for all of her needs.
She can't speak, she can't feed herself, she can't go to the washroom by herself, she can't get herself dressed. Mom lost the ability to use her left arm and hand, a long time ago. As well as her ability to speak and feed herself. She is stuck in a wheel chair and only can go where the staff put her. I mean where the staff put her. Leave her in her room. Put the brakes on so she can't even push herself around.Completely dependent on what others think she wants. I understand mom. And if others would pay attention, they would as well.
So my faith in humanity is shot. No matter what I do or try to do. There is nothing. I guess because I have a roof over my head everything is OK. Bullshit. What about eating or having a warm coat or clothing that fits.
In a way it would better for me to be completely homeless. Maybe I should start sticking needles in my arm to get some real help. There is more help available for them.
I am a recovering alcoholic and pot smoker and ever since I quite, I have been looking after my parents. First my father,then my mother and father and now just momber. Dad passed away this month 5 years ago this December 28.
No matter how I feel or how depressed Iam or that most days I don't want to get out of bed. How many times. I fall or faint or how much pain I am in. I will never let mom see this or know anything about it. I check all of these feelings at the door and put a smile on my face. Mom has always seen me smilingly.
If it were not for mom I would not be around anymore. I gave up on myself a very long tme ago. I have given up on everything. Especially on humanity. What a big fat waste of time that is. Thinking that people actually care for one another. It seems only at Christmas time do they feel guilty enough to attempt to do something.
Otherwise it seems animals are more important than those that are suffering, silently suffering. Ok I am not that silent about things.
I do pray and thank GOD everynight for mom's health and to keep her safe. And apparently GOD knows everything and knows that I now need to move.
Today I was told that the house I rent a room in, has been sold. And the new owner is giving us until the end of January to move. Well I guess I dont' have any choice now. So I will be moving to White Rock. I just have to find a place. Somewhere I can afford
I really need to go now.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
