Hello again
What is fear to me
I am afraid that I will get a phone call in the middle of the night telling me that mom is very sick. And me not being able to get out to White Rock for hours and hours
I am afraid that one night I will be holding her hand and it will be the last time, I get to hold her hand
I am afraid that my sister's are going to try to cremate my mother, when she whats to be buried
I am afraid that I am not going to out live my mother
I am afraid that if I don't stand up to the staff at Al Hogg that they will kill mom, with neglect.
That is a little bit of the fear that I have
Now I know that not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver. It is hard work. Well not really. I know my sister's don't have it in them to do what I do for mom.
It is better that someone that does not have it in them, to look after someone, not be a caregiver. Than for them to do this and not be able to do what is needed without getting frustrated and/or burnt out. Or take it out on their loved one.
People tell me I am sacrificing allot. I am not sacrificing anything. I choose to do this and very happy that I am doing this.
They tell me that I should have a life. I have a life. I take care of mom.
And with regarding to any relationships I have given up on the whole relationship thing. I have now cancelled all my subscriptions to dating sites. I have no desire to do this. It has already been many, many years since my last meaningful relationship. All, since, have not worked out, past a few months.
To be honest I just don't want one.
Now I have a single wish, one wish and one wish only. That is to win the lottery, buy a van with a wheelchair ramp. Get a house, fix it up to accommodate a wheelchair. And take care of mom full time.
This is what I pray for every night. Besides thanking GOD for healing mom, that she can now walk, talk, use her left arm. That her Dementia is healed, that her left arm is healed, that her speech is healed. I thank GOD that HE covers her with HIS white light of armour. That HIS guardian angles are standing, protecting her at all times.
I have thought about this over and over again. And this is all I wish for in life. To take care of my mother full time. I don't want any other thing in my life. I need to do this. To take care of mom full time.
I want to be there when she wakes up in the morning, Take her all over the place and see this city. Take her to all her appointments, to see specialists. To make sure everything that can be done for her is done.
I wish nothing else in life.
I don't care if I eat, have clothing that fits, shoes that don't have holes in them. I will make do with what I have. I can live on tea, and have many, many times.
Mom's Birthday is this Friday. October 12. Mom will be 83 years young. And looks 15 years younger than she is.
Mom's name is Mary. I have asked my twitter followers if they would like too. Send mom Birthday wishes. If they wish.
I am asking you if you could do the same.
I am not rich, and want to do something special for her. I am not sure what. This is why I have asked for this. So if anyone does do this. To include where they are from. So I can read them to mom and let her know where these Birthday wishes are from.
This would be a great thing. I am going to try to do what I can for her. She needs things. And I don't have money to get them. I do have until Friday to get something happening.
I don't know how many Birthdays mom has left. GOD forbid that she lives for many, many more years.
So it is almost 1 am and I need to go to bed. I could not sleep until 4 am last night and got up to my land lady banging on my door at 9:30 am. So I am very tired.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
