Hello again
So today I woke up at 3PM at I had a whole lot of the Pity Party going on. Wo is me. Cry me a river. Play me the smallest violin. I was hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. I was screaming a huge mess.
But their is mom, locked up, in a wheel chair, not by choice. Being given drugs against her and my will. Not allowing me to walk her, but not doing it themselves. After telling me I am banned from doing it. Not having her dental work done. After me telling them to have it done over and over again.
Being abuse by the PGT on a regular bassis'
So I got up, showered and dressed, dried my hair and left.
All of my bullshit does not compare to what my mother is going through.
And I made a promise to mom I would never stop coming to see her. Through rain nor shine nor sleet nor hail would make me not be able to get their. I would no matter what, be their to give her the spa treatment.
So I left and I arrived at the hospital at 7:30 PM. Mom was in bed and sleeping. But that is OK I woke her up and mom was great full I did. I put lotion on her feet and gave her a massage. I put her moisturizer on her face and her lotion on her arms;. Mom was ecstatic about me being their. Her eyes lite up and a big smile came over her face. She reached out to hug me, not once, but many, many times. It was worth leaving my Poor is me attitude behind and get my ass out to see mom.
I sang my good night song to her, hugged her and kissed her and wished her a good night and off I went.
Off into the unknown. Of what tonight. Searching the darkness, hoping for light. Seeing the bleakness of my life. And comparing it to my mother and seeing the truth. Of what life is all about. Leaving behind yourself, to give to another. To share and love. Without regret. Just to be their. Is good enough. Brings life to a full circle. Knowing that I make a difference in one's life. Brings tears to my eyes. Knowing that doing what is right is right.
Kris Schmuland January 24, 2012
GOD bless and good night.
Kris
I am going to go to the hospital now. As I cannot take any of this anymore. The black outs, the hungry. The doubt, the uncertainty.
