Hello
I find since the last blog this evening I have become very depressed.
I tell you, I know, I will die alone. Absolutely no one their by my side and no one knowing or giving a crap about me at all.
I will be completely and painfully alone.
This is why I do this for my mother. And why I want and need so much for her. Why I need to do everything for her. Why I want mom to live with me.
So mom will not die alone like I will. So mom will be in a place of her own and not in a hospital, like my father and grandfather were.
A place with peace and loved ones and mom to know that I love her greatly. I am crying while I write this. I do not know what has happened to me.
Mom needs to have the absolutely best possible life she can have and to enjoy every minute of it.
To not be stuck in a place where she can't go out. To spend all her days staring at the walls. Or not being able to speak with anyone. Now I know why it is so important that when I am their,mom does not want anyone else disturbing us.
It is our time. And I want the rest of her life to be our time. To do things with her. To get her back walking again, as I know she can. To have mom talking again. As I know she can.
To have mom pick out her own clothing. To try on her own shoes. To say this is what I want for dinner and to tell me that I am screwing up. For me to be their for her and her for me.
Yes it is selfish, but it is not. I know mom can have and beautiful and full life.
Kris
