Hello
Day 18 I think. And the worst part of not eating is my vision. The only reason I can do this is that I am a touch typist. I have been typing since I was in grade 8. Many moons ago. Many.
So today I went back to the hospital and spoke with the doctor. I wanted to find out the tests results. And the doctor told me he wants me to stay. I told him in no uncertain terms I can't because of my mother. That she relies on me to be their and I won't disappoint her. She needs me to be their for her. Since my sisters do not do anything for her.
So back to the tests results. I am not well. My liver is staring to fail. My stomach is so messed up I might not be able to get it back to the way it was. My vision is starting to go. And I mean go. As in going blind. And his final words to me before I left was "you are dying" And if you don't start taking care of yourself you will die. I told the doctor once again. I am penniless and have absolutely no food. I have no way of getting any. I have no way to get to the food bank and back. I have no one to help me. My family has nothing to do with me. And no one knows except you who read this and the doctor at the hospital.
And he just said. You know where we are. And if you don't decide to come back, you will die. slowly and painfully. Ok I do understand what you are saying. And I hope you understand why I can't stay.
I don't get it. I Thought GOD said HE will supply all of my needs.Well I thought eating was one of the top needs. Besides breathing.
So you don't like it when I write like this. Well this is reality. My reality. And my mother's reality. My mother's life is worth more than mine. And that is the truth. She did way more with her life than I ever did. And she deserves my life in exchange for her to live. I will sacrifice everything for her.
So be it that I don't eat. Well after 18 days Oh well that is what I deserve, I guess.
I am done writing. I just can't do it anymore. I am so hungry I feel like falling over now.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris Schmualand
