Hello again
I hope so!
When I arrived at mom's this evening, she was extremely tired, could barely keep her eyes open. Her eyes, from being tilted up, are full of sleet. The lights are very troubling to mom, and this is a major part of the excess of sleet.
I had sun glasses made for her, darker at the top and clear at the bottom. This was so when they do tilt her back in her chair, she is protected from the lights and can still see clearly out of the bottom. I immediately put them on her once I arrive.
I have asked them on numerous occasions to put the glasses on mom. Yet they don't do this. So mom is the one suffering. This is another example of the kind of care they give to the residents.
It seemed that mom would not eat, as she was so tired. I did get her to eat, this evening. I had brought some pasta for her and they served roast beef and gravy. She was able to eat most of both of the items. With her eyes closed mostly.
Mom trust me completely. All I have to do is touch her mouth with the fork and she opens up. I have said to her many times that if she wants to keep her eyes closed I will make sure she gets her dinner. And she does just that. Complete trust that I am not going to harm her or shove the food into her mouth. As the staff do, and I have witnessed this myself and told them to stop, that this is how mom looses teeth.
I let her chew her food and give her drinks to wash everything down.
Yes she was very tired and when she is like this, all she wants to do is get to bed and have her nightly spa treatment. She will get upset if this is not done swiftly. She will swing at me and complain. I am very quick, so I see her arm coming. LOL
For me, my legs, meaning my knee's and ankles are OK when I first awake, but after putting pressure on them and walking for a while. My left knee buckles all the time, and I am experiencing shooting pain in both ankles now. By the time I get home, I am spent.
As I am now, being midnight again.
I really can't handle living here anymore. I don't trust the roommates. I am the one who is disabled and I am the one who has to clean. 3 other people here and they can't do anything. So I won't be cleaning anymore. Except what I use. Nothing else. I can't leave anything in the fridge, it will go missing. And I have nothing to start with.
Oh yea, I was reading an article today about this rick lawyer, in Toronto. Who was driving his Ferrari through a tunnel and it was flooded. He knew that this tunnel floods in heavy ran, but did it anyways. The point is there was a write up about it and an insurance carrier decided to replace it A brand new one.
Here we have this rich lawyer, complaining about his car. And I am struggle to make it through each and everyday. Not knowing if and when I will be able to put food on my table or how long it will be before I can do this. I am a full time caregiver for my mother and all I want to do is live closer to mom, so I can be their for her even more.To stay latter, to hold her hand until she completely falls asleep. I don't need a beautiful place, just a decent place,which I can afford.
I have $650.00 a month to spend and do you think I can find a place. I am willing to help out around the home. But nothing. I try an try, again nothing. I don't have some large corporation saying, He has lost so much, or he goes without for the sack of his mother. So we will give him a hand and help him out. I can barely eat anything anymore, as I have ruined my stomach from not eating for days, even weeks at a time.
Yet I don't complain, except on here, to anyone. I continue, and will continue to go to be with mom and do everything I can for her.
I am really tired of people saying you will be blessed for what you do for your mother. I don't want to be blessed after she is gone. I need it now. Not then. I won't even be around then. I want to do more for mom, now that she can understand things and can enjoy getting out and about.
My life is my mother's and I am OK with this. I love what I do and only want to do more. And by living in White Rock I can do this.
When I look at cars, as they drive by, I look at vans and say I could put a wheel chair lift in that. I have given up on relationships. I have nothing and I could not even afford to take someone out for coffee. Again I am good with this.
I need to go, I am very tired and in a tremendous amount of pain.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
