Hello again
I continue with were I left off yesterday. I am very emotional when it comes to my mother. You see, before my father and mother developed Dementia and dad passed away from it. I really had no feeling, emotions etc...
People called me a android. Emotionless automaton. But I have learned to care for someone else.
People say, I can't even look after myself. Well I pay my rent, bills ( they get paid, eventually) but I do get them cut off from time to time.
Eating is something I don't even care about anymore. Nothing even tastes descent. And I just don't care about me.
So when I do ask for money, it is not for me, but for my mother.
I want to live closer to mom, so as I can spend as much time as I can with her. I want a car, so I can take mom places, see her friends ( what is left of them.) See things she has missed being locked up in these places.
But it does piss me off that my sister get the van and it was to take mom places but doesn't do anything for her. She does not even bring mom anything when she visits. But she is the first to take the clothing and jewelry from her. Both of them.
It is not mom's money that purchased these things. But mine. And yet, everyone their is all on my sister's side. White Rock is closer for her to see your mom.
But for me to take a bus their and back everyday, 7 hours of traveling. Is not a big deal to them. Kiss my sister's ass some more why don't you.
I am their everyday and will continue to do the same. Without reservation, I need to be their for mom. And mom needs me their for her.
The van was mine, but the PGT took it away, only to pay a companion service more money than it was worth. They are no where to be seen. And mom sits their everyday.
I can only take her around the hospital. Or walk her up to the mall. Big deal. Mom needs to see the beach. Downtown Vancouver again. Places she is use to seeing in the past. This is why I ask for money. I live fine. Well I would like allot of things. A TV would be nice. A computer that is not put together from pieces of several other, older computers. But it works. And I type this blog on it and have for a long time now. Some clothing that actually fits me. But, you know what, I will keep putting holes in the belt as I get smaller. And where what I have.
Mom does not like it when I wear allot of what I have. But I say this is all I have and this is what I have to wear. For now. I tell her.
I love my mother deeply. And she is the only person I hug or kiss or tell her I love her. As stated before I have only been in love once in my life. Buy I do believe it was a lesson on how to love. And feel. It worked.
I am completely emotional when it comes to mom.
Tonight I brought mom a beautiful salad, with prawns and cheese. And a slice of the chicken and seafood enchilada. Plus the lemon pie.
Mom absolutely loved her dinner. It is great to cook for her. She has always loved my cooking. And I have now learned how to bake. From scratch.
Mom held my hand the entire time I was their. And while waiting for mom to get ready for bed. She by the way had to go to the washroom, really badly. Mom was really relaxed, and warm. I was holding her hand and her eyes were closed and I found myself drifting off. But mom noticed and kept waking me up. Well I wasn't really asleep. Just relaxed and closing my eyes. It was actually very funny.
She basically told me, that I don't get to fall asleep. While she is waiting to get ready for bed.
When mom does get put in bed, she wants me to turn the music off and sing to her. It is our good night song. I sing to her. She sings it with me. And actually is clear when she sings it with me. She closes her eyes and falls asleep. After I give her several big hugs.
Mom has been smiling allot lately, while I am their. And I love it.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris
